Day 2.

 July 26th, 2021

(Vegan Program)

Today started out rough. I woke up vomiting and super sick to my stomach. He told me I would have alcohol withdrawals those first 72 hours or so and boy was he right. I drank  heavy the night before the ER (whiskey and beer) so I knew it would be rough coming down from being "buzzed" almost all day every day. And I truly wish I was exaggerating, but I can't remember a time I haven't had a buzz for the last few months. 

Drinking lots of water and staying hydrated has helped. I ate a good solid meal for the first time in a week and it was amazing to finally feel full.

I was really proud of myself today though. Old me would have stayed home or drank 2-3 beers before taking the kids anywhere, let alone a park further away from our house. And I did it, with His grace, sober. I took my Bible and read and breathed with my husband. I never thought I would be able to do that. 

Today I'm supposed to find an accountability partner. I didn't really find a particular person, but I have been more  honest with my parents and husband. 

You might wonder how no one knew I had this big of a problem and I did a lot of it in secret. I would drink fast in my closet or the bathroom. Hide the cans- and then collect them when my husband was gone and throw them away. It's easy to be secret, unfortunately. But the doctor at the ER told me the importance of being honest and vocal. He said speak "I'm having a bad day today" and don't hold it in or try to escape it. 

Everything I've read has talked about why we use alcohol is for an escape from our feelings and emotions. We  need a quick out from feeling uncomfortable emotions. But the problem is, when we drink to escape, it makes us feel like our problems and emotions are terrible and horrible. Why else would you need an escape route from them? So it makes our anxiety worse because we think something is wrong with us. And I'll be honest- my anxiety only got worse at times with my drinking and I would have to drink more and more to combat it. Vicious, vicious cycle.

I found a 30-day without alcohol challenge on Pinterest and while my sobriety is going to have to go far beyond 30 days, it was empowering and enlightening all the same.

I'm excited to continue this journey and get my joy and peace back.

I need God Almighty to break the chains. He's all I have. 

At 10:30PM on July 26, 2021 I am 2 days sober.