20 Days Sober.

At 10:30pm tonight, it will have been 3 weeks since I took my last drink. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. It was a tall glass of whiskey. It burned going down.

I was hurting so bad- so sick- so overwhelmed. My hypochondria was the worst it had ever been and I couldn’t cope. I was struggling to just live through the day. I struggled to get out of bed. Depression had just wrapped it’s ugly chains around me and I felt like I couldn’t breathe most days, under the weight.

Some May look at my life and say: how could you be depressed? But I think it’s important to know depression and hypochondria reach so much further than just what someone’s life looks like to the outside world. It’s so much deeper.

Depression does not equal grateful. And that’s something important to remember. You can be grateful for your life but still drown in the depths of depression. It doesn’t pick or choose based off of what someone’s life looks like on social media. It just doesn’t.

And where I thought drinking was healing that depression because quite frankly, I would forget for a minute- the reality- when that buzz was finally gone, was still there. And then I felt even more depression because “holy cow- I’m having to numb my life. How sad is that?” And so then I drank more.

So now- I’m looking for healing in different places. Healthy places. I’m reading. I’m painting. I’m finding joy in His Word- and His promises.

There’s a beautiful song called “Promises” by Maverick City Music.. and I cling to it on good days and bad days, but especially bad days.

Today hasn’t been great- and yesterday wasn’t either… it just is what it is. The pain of autism has hurt my heart. She has attempted to hurt me- and we have been dealing with that. It’s emotionally and physically exhausting- but this song-

“Though the storms may come
And the winds may blow, I'll remain steadfast
And let my heart learn when You speak a word, it will come to pass
Great is Your faithfulness to me,
Great is Your faithfulness.”

I’m trusting He is faithful-
And I’ll be faithful back.

In my living.
In my every day life.
In my heart.
In my choices.

I’ll be faithful- ❤️

3 weeks sober tonight. How? His grace.

I can’t do it on my own. Today, the want for a glass of wine is strong. Going through certain things- I know how easy that sooth would be (what I call finding relief) but I also know how hard I’ve worked for 3 weeks sober. The work. The hurt. The pushing. I’ve worked hard. To find peace on hard days. To find coping mechanisms that won’t hurt me physically. That make me well. I refuse to give that up- although the want today is real. But His Word is my calm in this storm and I’m trusting that. #alcoholism #healing #sober #sobriety #soberjourney #peace #mentalhealth #depression #hypochondria #mentalhealthawareness